Puberty. Sweet, sweet, puberty.
I can’t say in all honesty that I look back fondly at my pubescent years. Things started to smell, places started to buzz, my face was embellished with varying sized spots and the guys I awkwardly tried to flirt with, fashioned sparse wiry moustaches, which were adorned with zits. Wasn’t it just beautiful?
With the release of the hilarious Netflix animated series, Big Mouth, created by Nick Kroll and Andrew Goldberg, I wanted to reminisce about my awkward moments; the precious moments, that moulded me into who I am now.
Here, are the 5 things I learnt from puberty.
The Hormone Monster and Monstress are very, very, very real:
One minute you’re laughing at The Simpsons with your siblings and the next minute you’re angry at how they breathe. Nothing makes sense anymore. Welcome to puberty, for the next 5-6 years, your actions will not make sense and the Hormone Monster will dictate your every move. You’re simply an empty vessel now, just let go…
As kids raging with hormones, we were very creative and ingenious, when we wanted to be:
Nothing got in the way between you and your dreams, no matter how wild they were. Hormones made you feel like you could do everything and nothing at the same time. Don’t question it, remember, you are simply a vessel.
Panicking made everything worse. The capacity to think clearly has diminished:
Take the easy road? Hell no, this is puberty remember. NOTHING MAKES SENSE.
I remember my brother breaking a vase in the corridor at our old house. Instead of owning up to it, I decided to help him hide the evidence. Where you ask? Under my bed sheet where I slept. Several cuts later, I snitched like I was in sing sing and we both got in trouble.
There was always that one person we dreamt a whole life with after one kiss.
I won’t sit here and publicly embarrass my first crush but I’m sure we can both agree, it was a shit show. After one uncoordinated wet kiss, zero dates and a friendship bracelet he made me, we started naming our mythical kids. Pretty sure one of the names was Star.
No matter how mortifying it is, it’s not the end of the world BUT you probably wont forget it
Whether you puked on someone during class (you know who you are), or were puked on by someone during class (I will never forget that you did this to me), the moment will fade. Leaking through your underwear is never cool and you will be paranoid for the rest of your life and, the uninvited boner will be seen by a teacher, no matter how hard you tried to conceal it.
You’ll probably fall out with your besties, maybe even throw a punch but by the next day, you’re chomping on popcorn and bunking class. You will treasure these smelly, awkward and horny years. Check out Big Mouth on Netflix but don’t watch it during lunch at work…
In the comments below, share your mortifying story, we all have one. Don’t worry, it’s just the internet, no one will know 🙂