Lesson 25: 5 Things I Learnt from Netflix’s Big Mouth

Puberty. Sweet, sweet, puberty.

I can’t say in all honesty that I look back fondly at my pubescent years. Things started to smell, places started to buzz, my face was embellished with varying sized spots and the guys I awkwardly tried to flirt with, fashioned sparse wiry moustaches, which were adorned with zits. Wasn’t it just beautiful?

With the release of the hilarious Netflix animated series, Big Mouth, created by Nick Kroll and Andrew Goldberg, I wanted to reminisce about my awkward moments; the precious moments, that moulded me into who I am now.

Here, are the 5 things I learnt from puberty.

The Hormone Monster and Monstress are very, very, very real:

One minute you’re laughing at The Simpsons with your siblings and the next minute you’re angry at how they breathe. Nothing makes sense anymore. Welcome to puberty, for the next 5-6 years, your actions will not make sense and the Hormone Monster will dictate your every move. You’re simply an empty vessel now, just let go…

The Hormone monster
Hormone Monster, Big Mouth. Netflix
As kids raging with hormones, we were very creative and ingenious, when we wanted to be:

Nothing got in the way between you and your dreams, no matter how wild they were. Hormones made you feel like you could do everything and nothing at the same time. Don’t question it, remember, you are simply a vessel. 

pillow talk big mouth
Jay showing the boys what a pillow and some soup can do, Big Mouth. Netflix
Panicking made everything worse. The capacity to think clearly has diminished:

Take the easy road? Hell no, this is puberty remember. NOTHING MAKES SENSE.

I remember my brother breaking a vase in the corridor at our old house. Instead of owning up to it, I decided to help him hide the evidence. Where you ask? Under my bed sheet where I slept. Several cuts later, I snitched like I was in sing sing and we both got in trouble.

Screen Shot 2017-10-25 at 12.50.40
Andrew caught on camera with soaked socks, Big Mouth. Netflix
There was always that one person we dreamt a whole life with after one kiss. 

I won’t sit here and publicly embarrass my first crush but I’m sure we can both agree, it was a shit show. After one uncoordinated wet kiss, zero dates and a friendship bracelet he made me, we started naming our mythical kids. Pretty sure one of the names was Star. 

Erhem…moving on!

andrew and missy gif
Andrew and Missy, Big Mouth. Netflix
No matter how mortifying it is, it’s not the end of the world BUT you probably wont forget it

Whether you puked on someone during class (you know who you are), or were puked on by someone during class (I will never forget that you did this to me), the moment will fade. Leaking through your underwear is never cool and you will be paranoid for the rest of your life and, the uninvited boner will be seen by a teacher, no matter how hard you tried to conceal it. 

Period Big Mouth
Jessi’s first period, Big Mouth. Netflix

You’ll probably fall out with your besties, maybe even throw a punch but by the next day, you’re chomping on popcorn and bunking class. You will treasure these smelly, awkward and horny years. Check out Big Mouth on Netflix but don’t watch it during lunch at work…

Popcorn Big mouth
Big Mouth. Netflix
In the comments below, share your mortifying story, we all have one. Don’t worry, it’s just the internet, no one will know 🙂 

 

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4 thoughts on “Lesson 25: 5 Things I Learnt from Netflix’s Big Mouth

  1. One of mine was when my sister caught me watching my dad’s porn.
    I thought I was slick, he thought he was slick. We had a room were we just stored junk (it would later become my room – I don’t know how I feel reflecting on this). Anyway, during one of my adventures pretending that I was a T-rex and my room was a wetland, I stumbled upon an interesting looking VHS case. Like a bee honing onto a flower, I tentatively inspected. Two things made me drop my prehistoric act: 1) the case was yellow, 2) the cover of the case was inverted but I did see the outline of boobs. I pounced on my prey and pried the case open.
    My body reacted instinctively, like a bird waking up one morning with no instruction and deciding to build a nest. I knew I had to investigate, this VHS was not normal. And I somehow knew it was my dad’s (it would be interesting if it actually was my mum’s).
    So one day, when all the birds had flown the nest (but I), I returned to that fateful room and flew downstairs to the VHS player. I decided that I would check outside every 5mins so I wouldn’t get caught.
    The video itself must have been shot in the 80s (judging by the music and hairstyles). I had known about sex (I’m a man of science) but I had never vicariously partaken before: I became some hairy white man ramming himself in a very attractive woman. From what I remember I must have been too young to get an erection. Thank God! I was so drawn into the narrative of the story that I forgot about my periodic checks. Then… rustling keys – the front door opened.
    I flew to the VHS to eject. My sister caught me taking the tape out. I cannot remember my excuse. All I know was that she wasn’t listening to it. She took the tape out of my hand and played it. Then with the most devilish look on her face said: “I’m gonna tell mum and dad”.
    Obviously, I was planning ways to run away from home. It was easy, I watched enough TV to know that I just needed a stick with a blanket wrapped around the end holding all my possession.
    In the end: 1)either my sister chickened out from tell on me, 2) she did tell but it was the parent who owned the tape and he/she kept silent on the matter, 3) she did tell but it was the parent who didn’t own the tape and he/she kept silent on the matter.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. LMAO, this was awesome! I need to call you T-Rex from here on out.

    The level of curiosity we had as kids was of no comparison to how we are now because we persevered regardless of consequences. We’ve all had, “check the window periodically” moments.

    I remember there was a women’s razor advert, it might have been something like Herbal Essence and I was CONVINCED, that I had to shave my legs and groom my eyebrows so boys at school would like me. Thankfully, I still didn’t fully comprehend the bikini shots. Got so scared doing my eyebrows, that I looked out of the window, saw my dad locking his car and heading to the main door of the estate and took my whole eyebrow off.

    Got an infection too because it was later found out that, that particular razor was not my mother’s or father, but my cousins. They didn’t use it on their face or legs…SMH. Ahhhh, puberty…

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  3. Ah it’s no myth, it’s no legend. It not a story you tell kids to keep them up at night. Nope, I’ve witness it, I was a victim, held captive to it preying clutches. With no warning, powerless to fight back. I was left scared with embrassment, I couldn’t fight back. It didn’t care where I was, who I was with. It left my mind and body completely out of sync. I remember it attacked me once, back in my youth, I was sitting in the Lords house, paying attention to the word. Next minute strange activities begin to take place below the waist. I’m feeling uncomfortable, I quickly place the good book on my lap. If I just sit still, I will survive this attack. But no, the preacher man decides this is the best time for the congregation to stand up, dance and sing praise to the Lord. I protest silently in my head to his request. I can’t stand, my 3rd leg is already standing. Curses, I firmly suppress what has erected between my laps. Curses, curse you hormone monster.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lmaaaaoooo, you guys have finished me! So glad you felt safe enough to share here, we’ve all got the most embarrassing moments. The hormone monster/ress was not kind to us.

      I let out a squeal/moan when a crush brushed passed my hand to get a pen from the shared desk. The class was silent and everyone knew where the sound came from. Was ridiculed for months, nay, YEARS! I can’t even look the man in the eyes as a grown woman.

      Liked by 1 person

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